i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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