You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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