these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
