im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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