There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
sex in a hospital.. check
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
