Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
