the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
