mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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