: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Apparently you make a good broom.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
