how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
