i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
