I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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