I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
