My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
