Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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