is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
