Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
