Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
