it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
