So drunk its hurt
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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