She is in my trunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
