There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
