I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
