i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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