You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
