Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
