I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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