: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My day in three words: secret purse cake
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
