garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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