We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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