Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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