I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
