Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
