i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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