U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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