You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
