I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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