I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
