All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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