Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
