first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
