I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
