Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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