Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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