bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
