I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
