Can Purell be used as lube?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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