oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
