I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
