Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
