AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
