Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
