Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
