so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
