there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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