I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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