One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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