i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
