I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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