she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
