I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i drank out of a bidet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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